The Ilian Men's Knights Brigade
by Writer Awakened
Summary: Everyone says that Ilian men are worthless...well, sort of.


**The Ilian Men's Knights Brigade**

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Author's Note: Yes, I know technically photographs and magazines and calendars and pin-ups aren't supposed to exist in this time period, but…ehhhh…

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Author's Note #2: This chapter is now new and improved! So it's definitely worth another read...and another, and another, and...

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_Everyone knows the Ilian Men's Knights Brigade is a complete and utter disgrace to the mercantile nation's reputation, right? Well, strangely enough, those men don't think they're so useless. In fact, they believe that they are (by damn, yes ma'am) the best things to happen to Ilia since thigh-high stockings (the ones the female pegasus knights wear, of course). You see, no one likes being told that his entire existence is useless. We're all the stars of our own lives, after all. And you- yes you, reader! - had better believe that every last stray bird, horse, and poor family saved from a freak snowstorm (of which there were many) saved by the Men's Knights Brigade of Ilia were thankful for the male paragons of excellence and kissed the ground they walked on (only because pegasus knights don't walk on ground, they fly and/or hover.)  
_

_Surely the Pegasus Knights of Ilia are crowning paragons of excellence (my favorite phrase, apparently), skill, and honor. But we mustn't forget the noble soldiers (bumbling idiots) of the Men's Brigade. They have accomplished a lot too! (digging people out of snowdrifts, saving lost and frightened pegasi while being trampled in the process, shoveling snow, trying not to suck, etc.)_

_Well, for all the remarkable triumphs (mmf…) of the Ilian Men's Knights Brigade, it is important to remember that these men have lives of their own, wives of their own (well, some of them do), and their own reasons for existing. So, in the hopes of providing gender equality to the great snowy lands of Ilia, this story will be dedicated to the brave men (mmf...mmmf....) and- well, men of the Ilian Men's Knights Brigade, through all their trials and triumphs (mff-mwa ha ha haaaagh MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAGH-)_

_...What? Stop laughing. The story's starting.  
_

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"Aaaauuu damn it all!"

A tall red-haired man leaned back against a wall. These particular sleeping-quarters were cramped, plain, dirty, and cramped. Four square stone walls jutting up to a plain stone ceiling, they made the room uncomfortable, dirty, and _cramped_! In other words, both typical and ideal conditions under which to house such distinguished soldiers as the Ilian Men's Knights Brigade.

"Youuuu kidding me?" the red-haired man continued, flicking his disheveled locks. "Nothin' to do today! Not givin' us aninnin' do? They gotta be daft r' somm'n!"

Another man, a fat bald man with a pudgy face, sat on a bed looking at a picture on the wall. "Uhhhhh ummmm…well, s'good to get a break from it alls sometimes, innit?"

The tall man chuckled. "Yeah, like'n somm'n ain't be'e'r th'n nothin', ain't it'n rye? Where'd you grow ups, Suk-aheeee?"

"I'm sorry, Aesis, I can't speak Stupid," a short, blonde-haired fellow said. He lazed against the wall, leaning on a bed and looking at a magazine. "_Sacae_. Not suhhhh-kay, or however you said it. Like 'Sakai', like the Scythians...get it?"

"Ehhhh, you're such a pegasus-beater, ain'tcha, Roland?" Aesis shot back, joining the fat guy in looking at a picture on the wall. "Y'always gotta bring somm'n 'ike 'at up. Who cares how I say it, s'not like werr ever gonna go there, uh? Nah, what we men do is savin' folks." He put his hand to his chest proudly and touched his Ilian Men's Knights Brigade Fifth Regiment Third Rank insignia (a piece of inexpensive junk, actually).

At one end of the room, leaning slanted against the wall, a tall man with blue hair chuckled. He stood alone, folded his arms. "What we do is play survival games under a loose unification of backwater identities in order to appropriate the proper consummation from our employers."

Aesis furrowed his brow, cocked his head back, looked at the blue-haired man oddly. "Ehhh…where th'ell you get all 'at, Thanoah? Th'ell's 'commusalation'? And whathell kinda name's 'Thanoah'?"

Thanoah tried to purse away his laughter. He looked around at the two others in the room, then settled back on Aesis. "That's 'consummation'. Ends to the means. Money."

"Ah, shits," Aesis said, looking back to the picture on the wall. "Why didncha just say that in the firs' place? Elimine be damned, you always say things more commicated than they hafta be! Shits, why?"

Thanoah looked amused. "This…would be the reason."

Aesis shook his head and looked at his picture again.

All four of the Ilian knights (the term applied loosely) were fully garbed in their knight's regalia, which happened to be made of a lot of cloth, some really tough beef jerky as leathers, and some rickety iron plates, the rusted ones. None of them were shy about ranting and raving about how awful their armor was, but none of them doubted it was better than those poor girls' armors. Come to think of it, those poor female knights wore just about…

"Nothin'!" The chubby guy said, looking at the picture and running a pudgy hand along it. "I can jus' picture Miss Wind wearin' nothin' at all!" He giggled. _Giggled_. And his fat jiggled.

The blonde-haired Roland rose from his position and laid his magazine down. "What now, Ken? Pegs of the Month again?"

Thanoah shook his head and laughed.

"Woo woo woo! You better believe it's the pegs!" fat Ken said. "Here, I'll give ya 'nother look."

"Are you kidding?" Roland said, peeking at Miss Wind from a distance. Nice, but not fantastic. Sure, it showed the graceful beauty of a pegasus knight in flight (with a skirt hiked up juuuuust enough to see 'the goods', no less!). But Roland was always preferential to Miss Darkness. There was something about the way she bent over in that first-wing peggy uniform and black heels and smiled back seductively that just made him crazy. Then again, he was always partial to the fiery ones. The idea of a girl who could kick his ass turned him on in ways he probably didn't even know yet. Except in reality- he was morbidly afraid of anything resembling "tough love". He shuddered.

"Seriously, you must have looked at that picture…what, a thousand times?" Roland said, returning to the singular comforts of his magazine and his own racy peg pictures. This one involved hot tubs.

"Whooooo, you gotta be kiddin' me, Roland!" Ken said, bouncing up and down. "The only way they could be better is if they were holdin' a piece of lamb chop!"

_And now, ladies and gentlemen, a tour of these sorry pieces of crap's minds: _**_Sex sex sex sex FOOD FOOD FOOD sex-_**

"Damn those peggies are nice," Aesis said, climbing into his own sack and slipping under the covers. "S'too bad we never get to see 'em in really, huh?"

Thanoah considered saying 'in _reality_', but thought better of it. Instead, he watched lazily as Roland rolled over and placed his magazine on his pillow. Roland spoke. "Yeah. They never give us dudes a mission with the pegasus squadrons, do they?"

"I would naturally assume," Thanoah said, opening his big blue eyes and sitting on his own bed, "that would be because the pegasus knights can alight to the skies, and we cannot. Truly, in Ilia the worth of the pegasi have no equal measure…"

"Hee hee! You can say that again!" The fat man said, turning the pages of the calendar and taking what he believed to be overtly sneaky glances at the coming months' pages. "There isn't anythin' better than a good peg knight! Why, they can fly, and pegasi can only take women- that's why us guys can't ride 'em! Can you believe that, huh!"

It wasn't even a question, really.

"Yeah, you've never seen a man riding a pegasus, have you?" Roland said, idly flipping through his magazine. "Even the guy pegasi won't even take us. Imagine that! A traitor! I mean, not that I would let a guy ride me, either, but..."

"Yeah, traitors! Those no good flyin' horses!" chubby Ken said, bouncing up and down. "They're a disgrace to our kind, yup!"

"I dunno what's the big deal," Aesis said, resting his hands behind his head and looking up towards the ceiling. Honestly, he had never really understood what the big deal was. That's just the way it was in Ilia; the women rode the pegasi and the men did all the jobs they couldn't (or didn't want). As mercenaries, they made a decent amount, and they could feed their families well (though women were expected to bring home the bread in Ilia). So what did it matter, huh? Aesis grumbled and looked away. "They're nothin' but stupid horses n'way…stupid horses."

Thanoah shook his head. "They're called pegasi and they're much more intelligent than a common..."

"Nah, they're horses!" Aesis insisted. "Just big flappin' horses."

"Pegasi, actually."

"Horse!"

"…pegasus."

"Horse, dammit!"

"Pegasus."

"_Horse_!"

Thanoah shrugged, sighed. "Horse with wings, then?"

"Yeh, horse."

"Do you happen to know what a horse with wings is called?"

Aesis sat up in his bed, scratched his head. Uh… "Mmm…could they be called…'wing-horses'?"

Thanoah laughed. "No, but that's a very…rational guess. Why am I surprised? No, horses with wings are called 'pegasi.'"

"Ahh, I see. Hey, wai'minute! Godamm, ya just made me say it!" Aesis pounded a fist against his bed. It rattled. "Awwwwwhhh, I hate'cha, Thanoah! Always such a high-n'-mighty."

"Well, I suppose I do know a lot about things," Thanoah said, brushing his hand against the stone wall, feeling it up. He brought another hand around and curved it to and fro, cupping the air in his hands. "But I daresay I haven't used any _actual_ knowledge in this conversation."

"I'd like to hear this 'actual knowledge, Than," Roland said, looking over at the blue-haired one. "You know somethin' about pegasi? I'd like to hear that. Maybe a pretty pegasus knight will cross my path and I can impress her with my knowledge of her steed."

Thanoah suppressed a chuckle. _Not bloody likely…_ "Alright, let me see. First of all, pegasi are immensely intelligent creatures. They can discern between colors, shapes, can detect danger and distinguish between friend and foe and between male and female."

"Oh, that's bullsh-"

"Heeeey, wait a second!" Ken said, who had looked like he wasn't listening but really was. "How d'you know that, Than-man?"

"Haven't you ever heard of the Pegasus Aptitude Tests?" Thanoah said, waving a hand. "Oh, _surely_ you must have. Every female knight in training must submit their pegasus of choice for an intelligence and aptitude test."

Ken laughed. 'PAT' tests. What, did that involve patting down the peg knight? He could only imagine!

"How d'you know so much 'bout them horses?" Aesis said, his face turning from cream pink to pale white at this 'startling knowledge'. How _did_ Thanoah know so much? It was unnatural…DEMON!

AWAY, EVIL SPIRIT!

"I consider myself somewhat of a pegasus knight _aficionado_," Thanoah said. He tugged at his collar. _And…their riders? No, can't think about that- _ "Especially in Ilia, it's essential to have knowledge of such things as er…pegasi."

_And now, ladies and gentlemen, a glimpse into the firing of electrons in Sir Thanoah's mind: **Copulation copulation copulation copulation SUSTENANCE SUSTENANCE SUSTENANCE copulation-**_

"Right, sure, mmhmm," Ken said, sitting on his bed. "_I_ know why you like 'em pegasi! Hee hee!"

"Don't be foolish," Thanoah said, even as he felt something tightening. _Elimine, stop me thinking of those pegasus knights, please! _"A-Anyway, I was saying, pegasi are intelligent creatures. And, er- they can, er- tell when their rider is pregnant! Pegasi are acutely attuned to nature and biorhythms, which is why female pegasi know when they are pregnant- Aesis shut up- and how they know the women they carry are pregnant."

Aesis scowled. He was going to make some remark about how pegasi _got_ pregnant (Aesis didn't think more than once about it…or anything, actually.)

"So why do they only carry women, then?" Roland asked.

"That is one of the biggest mysteries of the world. No one knows," Thanoah said. "But…" He looked around and laughed. "I would go with the obvious answer."

"Huhhhhhh." Aesis sighed through his nose. Bah. He hated pegasus knights. Oh, he loved looking at 'em, but just thinking about them made his blood boil, and not just in one part of his body, either. The pegs got to do everything they didn't. Now that he actually thought about it, it _was_ a big deal. Urrr, it made him angry! Angry enough to eat a pillow! "Dumb horses!" he screamed.

"What are you doing?" Thanoah asked, looking at Aesis with one eyebrow cocked upwards. It appeared as though Aesis was attempting to…_eat_ his _pillow_! "You are making yourself look like an ignoramus."

"Yeah, well, I'm mad!" Aesis said, spitting to get the pillow-taste out of his mouth. "Stupid horses."

"You certainly are mad," Roland said, and he and Thanoah shared a laugh. "Still," he continued, flipping through his magazine again and fingering the pages carefully and slowly, "you shouldn't take your anger out on the pegasus knights. Without them, Ilia would crumble. The women of the nation are the most important, let's face it. They make stuff happen." Roland sat up, stopped at a certain page of his magazine (which I will now tell you is called _Pegasus Party_) and his eyes went 'whoaaa I better just about pop out of my socket right about now!'

**_Sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex-_**

"That is, for good or for ill, a correct assumption," Thanoah said, leaning back and closing his eyes. "In Ilia, because we of the male persuasion are unable to take wing, we are inexorably meant to be"-

Thanoah stopped. There was a sudden loud noise in the outer halls, audible through the sealed wooden door. A rushing of feet, some unintelligible voices floating about, and the sound of what seemed like general commotion. The knights' instinctual response was to tense their muscles and draw their eyes towards the door.

"-underused."

"Ya think they needs us?" Aesis said, grasping his sword tightly in his hands (the _other_ sword, mind you).

"If they need us, they just have to call," Roland said, lying back down and releasing the grip on his lance (the _other_ lance, mind you).

"But of course, even amongst the men's knights, we are piddling nobodies. Surely a Fifth Regiment Third Ranker would not be swiftly called upon in times of rancor." Thanoah chuckled. He amused himself sometimes.

The men listened as the noises steadily died down. Ken made like he was going to the door, but Roland put a hand out to stop him. The chamber was silent again, but now the air was a bit more serious. Something had happened, truly? And if so, what?

Thanoah reached under his armor and withdrew a small photograph from a pocket in his vest.

"Hey, I've always wondered, Than. Who's that picture of?" Roland sat up and walked over to Thanoah's side. "Hey, that's a pretty good-looking lady!"

Ken and Aesis' ears perked up.

"That would be…" Thanoah said, closing his eyes and getting that faraway look on his face, "my wife."

The other men gasped.

"Yahoogies!" Ken said, giggling and jiggling. "You've got yourself a wife, ain'tcha? Ain't that great? That's pretty 'mazin! I never knew that! Yowzies!"

"Yeah. Why din' you tell us 'fore this, Than?" Aesis said, walking over to look at the picture. "And damn, sheeza fine piece-a lady! Blonde n' hair n' nice lips, nice hoogas…whereja finda yaself a woman like'n that?"

Ken laughed and slapped his belly. "Peg calendar, probably! Thanny wooed 'em with 'is charms, prolly. That right, Thanny?"

"Actually, my wife isn't a pegasus knight," Thanoah said. The other men gasped. He leaned back against the wall, looked like he was about ready to slide down it. He sighed and his face went all funny. "She works as a negotiator, a trader, an in-betweener for the Ilian Merchants' Trading Commune. Ever since I met her when I went to trade at the IMTC's central operations, I was utterly infatuated. I thought it was just a fleeting emotion, just being briefly cowed by her beauty. Then I realized she was so much like me…"

"Damn! That sounds too good to be true!" Roland said, slapping his knee. "And she's a looker too!" Of course, Roland was utterly and undeniably jealous to a degree which should never be felt by human beings, else their heads might explode like flaming cucumbers. Flaming cucumbers? Flaming cucumbers.

"I'd never met anyone quite like her. Not only was she gorgeous and elegant- not that such superficial things such as outward appearances matter, or anything- but she was also remarkably engaging in conversation, immensely intelligent, and much wittier than I." Thanoah put his hands out, as if to say 'ehhhhh.' "Ehhhhh," he said. "And, I assume she found me interesting as well- we were wed promptly afterwards. I suppose she found the memoirs and the semi-historical accounts I had written fascinating. But she's extremely talented at making food, extremely talented at making wooden horsies, extremely talented at making **pie**, and extremely talented at making l- making love."

Thanoah cleared his throat. Right about now he felt tighter than a pegasus knight's corset. "I certainly miss her. I wonder what she's doing right now. And don't say 'making love', or I'll smack you," he added as Aesis was about to open his mouth (and put up his finger, like many people who have an off-handed remark are prone to do). Aesis grumbled and cursed Thanoah viciously.

"I still can't believe you never told us you were married!" Roland said. "I mean, gee, why didn't you tell us? What, we were too good to hear about your big catch?"

"I don't know, I just…didn't think it was important enough _to_ tell," Thanoah said. "And perhaps I didn't want to just go around gabbing to everybody. I assure you the temptation to prance about telling everybody everything about your beautiful spouse is…immense, to say the least."

"Gee, I'd sure think so!" Ken said. "If I had a wife, you'd be sure I'd go around tellin' everybody about 'er!"

Aesis scoffed. "Huh! Wives! Who needs 'em. Y'know what they say, men might be topers, but wives are gropers!"

Ken burst out giggling, whereas Roland and Thanoah shook their heads. They would have bought themselves a bridge so they could jump off it. The awful attempt at humor was derived from a popular Ilian saying: "In Ilia, women are on top and men are topers." The saying was much to the dismay of the men, who often drunkenly raised their wooden pitchers of ale and mumbled somethin' bout that not bein' true r' somthin' like that, to which the women would reply: "See?"

"And why're we stuck with the sheeety knight's division, uh?" Aesis continued. "Yeah, 'em peggies get all the org'nized things n'shit, n' all we get is 'just go save them peasants from the snow sommere north'a here.'"

"For once I'm inclined to agree with you, Aesis," Thanoah said. "There is a major problem with the leadership of the Men's Brigade. All our commanders are either horribly incompetent, uncaring distant cousins of royalty, bastards, men with names that rhyme with 'heck', or people otherwise staunch in their beliefs that the men's division _should_ be unimportant. And you are right, it is frustrating. Oh, and don't tell anyone I just uttered that."

"Yer right, yuuuu no," Aesis said, nodding in agreement.

"The leader people are becoming far too crazed in their principles, you know? None of their priorities are in order. All they want is a damn piece of the pie. Not that pie is bad, mind you." Roland said. "The next thing we know we'll have some zealot leading us or somethin'..."

"Ooh!" Ken said, throwing his hands up in the air. "Hope to Elimine that doesn't happen, huh?"

Thanoah sat down on his bed. All of a sudden he seemed resigned to the fates. In the end, no matter what they did, they were destined to be second-rate. And of course, all the eloquence and intelligence in the world did nothing if he didn't get the opportunity to use them! It was suddenly and overwhelmingly depressing.

_Why did I even join the Knights Brigade in the first place? _Thanoah said, massaging his head in his hands. _I could be at home with my wife making hot love to her right now. Or, I could dress myself up to look like a maiden and wrap my legs around a pegasus. Then I'd be compensated better, as well! Elimine damn this all!_

"Hey, you alright?" Roland said, sitting up. "Than, somethin' botherin' you?"

"No, no, I'm fine."

"Alright," Roland said. "Now that I think about it, I think I will take a look at that calendar." He strolled over and flipped through.

This was being Ilian, he thought. Damn being a mercenary knight, damn being a hero, and damn saving people from snowslides. _This_ was what being an Ilian man was all about: looking at sexy pictures of pegasus knights.

"You know, the pegasus knight uniforms are horribly inadequate," Thanoah said, the words passing right through Roland's ears. "They don't even cover their whole legs! How does such a thing protect them from the biting cold? Aside from the obvious titillation of the thing, what in the seven ring-ding-dingaling hells is the benefit?"

Aesis looked over at Thanoah. "Hey, yer older'n alls us, you tell us. HOT! It keeps 'em hot, don't it? What means 'ey ain't cold, innit right?"

"Well, it is true that I'm probably older than all of you…thirty-three is not the ideal age to be fighting in an army…"

"Holy Elimine!" Roland exclaimed, turning away from the s-e-x-y Miss Thunder and her whip to glance at Thanoah. "Thirty-three and you still get nice with your wife? Dammmmm! Ha, your kids watch that?"

"I don't have children."

Ken jiggled. "Ooh, why not, Thanny?"

Aesis scoffed. "Too much 'assle, 'fya ask me."

"Yeah, but no one asked you!" Roland bit. Ow! "Come on, Than. Answer."

"I…don't rightly know," Thanoah said, putting his arms up in the air. "Maybe because…I'm away all the time, and…I wouldn't want them growing up without a paternal influence. Or maybe that, er...herbal supplement that my wife takes just does work _that_ well. But, um, mostly because my absence would deprive my children of a steady paternal figure to rear them satisfactorily."

Aesis' brow furrowed and his mouth gaped. "Whuzza whut now?"

"They need a father, dumbass," Roland said through the corner of his mouth. "Well. I can't say I blame you or anything, Than-man. I'd want my kids to have a whole family too."

"Hee hee, hey Thanny, if you do ever get'n a little one, whatcha gon' name it?" Ken asked cheerfully. "Can you name it Steak?"

Roland snorted.

"No," Thanoah said. "Well, I don't plan to have children, especially with the, er, extremely effective herbal...oh, never mind. A-Anyway, if I have a girl I plan to name her Pipsy Peppita Lana Livingsworth Strudelcakes Longstockings III. And if it's a boy, god save his soul, I guess I'll just name him Noah. That's 'Thanoah', just without the...'tha' part. And with a capital N instead of a...oh, never mind."

The room turned quiet again, but this time it was a more happy silence. As happy a silence as four second-rate knights who smelled like rank ass and incompetence could engender, that is. Silence was a weird thing, it seemed.

Roland turned back to the calendar until he reached his favorite month, the one with Miss Fire. Ohhh, now this was why that month was his favorite of the year. Miss Fire was by far the hooooottest, sexexexiest of all the Pegs of the Month. Fiery red hair, smoldering carmine lips, spicy blue eyes- and she was the only one in the whole calendar daring enough to go topless, her corset and bra looking like they had just been ripped off. What was more, her long legs (skirt conveniently flipped up) were firmly placed around her poor little pegasus' neck. It seemed somehow happy even though it was choking to death…was it male? Miss Fire was also a decorated knight in her own regard, apparently.

"Whooooa"- Roland said. He was getting that chill again. Kick his ass, kick his ass, kick his ass- whooooooooa! He got afraid for a second. "Hey guys. You all ready for our next mission?"

"What're ya talkin' about?" Aesis said, bolting upright. "I've been ready 'is whole time, ain'tcha heard me, or you been too busy wankin' it up r' sommin' to rememmer whaai said?"

"Ooooooh yeah, I've been ready this whole time, too!" Ken said. "Go Ilia!"

"And I've been ready too," Thanoah said, crossing his arms. "Though it is always rather…entertaining being with you, I have no complaints about working and earning my keep."

"Alright then," Roland said, turning the calendar back to Miss Wind in her glorious flight. It was almost the end of the month. Soon there would be another beauty keeping them company. Life was good. "I'm going to go ask the commander if there's somethin' we can do. I can't just sit and look at these beautiful women and let them one-up us. Damn it, we gotta represent the Brigade!"

A chorus of 'hell yeah' rose from the room.

"And Aesis!" Roland barked. Aesis dropped his magazine with a start. "Quit looking at peg jugs and move it! We've got shit to do!"

Exactly. Shit to do. That was just what the men did. But it helped. And they got paid...something. So they got themselves going.

And, of course, there was a popular rumor that the most distinguished member of the Ilian Men's Knights Brigade always fell in love with a pegasus knight (which was no big deal, but the interesting part was that the pegasus knight fell equally in love with them). Which was, for pretty much everyone, a good reason to work harder.

…of course, it was just a rumor.

-

_So that's why the Ilian Men's Knights Brigade fights. For…the love of the Ilian Pegasus Knights Brigade…wait, _that's_ their reason for existing?_

_Well, that sucks. I guess the women were better after all. Oh well, that's not so bad, I suppose. Women are more pleasant. Maybe the knights will be a little better in the future, a little less like a zealot, yuuuu no?_

_Not _all _men are that stupid and useless...just the Ilians. Why are you looking at me like that? Stooop. You're embarrassing meee..._

_Anyway, next time we'll look at Ostia and see if it's any better over there (don't count on seeing _that_ story anytime soon. Hee hee heeeeee- cough cough)_

_No, seriously, next time we'll see what actually happens when the Ilian Men's Knights Brigade go out on a mission. I assure you, it won't be pretty. Therefore, you're probably not gonna want to miss it. OH, and male Florina. No joke. Male Florina.  
_

-

"What in the name of the ice queen are you doing?" A woman's called out from the sitting room of the house, floating into the study. "You've been writing something this whole time. You aren't writing about that thing you did a year ago, are you?"

Thanoah lowered his head, lowered his quill-pen-thingie. "Actually…yes, I am." And to himself he mumbled, "In Elimine's name, this doesn't sound like me…wait! I just wrote this, but…I didn't truly write this, did I? Wait, who wrote this?"

_I did, you stupid shit! Ah, he can't hear me. Oh well. I'll take this time to sing a song about how much Thanoah sucks. Thanoah sucks, Thanoah sucks, does whatever Thanoah can't because he sucks..._

_I'm no musician, give me a break. I'm just the Ghost of Ilia past, and I'll see you next time, kids. I leave you with some innuendo:_

"Ahh, come on into the study," Thanoah's wife said. "Stop having so much of _your_ time and come spend some with _me_…"

Thanoah's heart leapt and he nearly tossed the pen aside.

"Y-Yes dear!"

"I hope you don't mind, I ran out of that herbal remedy I took to stop the thing from the, you know..."

"Yes, yes, right, uh huh," Thanoah said, not really listening to anything his wife had just said.

**_Copulation copulation copulation copulation-_**

-

-Chapter 1: OVAR!-


End file.
